Let's Face It

Let's face it...
I need help.

I am mortally
wounded,
emotionally
scarred and
incapable of
trust.

I can hear you say
I love you a million
times, and I still
cannot believe it.
In my mind, I replay
all the times I heard
those words before.

And look how that
turned out.

Perhaps it is because
you are so beautiful.
Maybe I don't think
I am worthy of your
love and affection.

You are out of my league.
You are more than I
could ever imagine
to desire.

Or maybe it's because
of my own past sins
of omission and commision.
Things I did that I am
not proud of, which
haunt me to this day.

Maybe because of those
sins, I feel unforgiven,
undeserving and unlovable.

I really don't know the
answers, after years of
soul searching and
staring at my navel.

So let's face it...
I need help.

The kind of help that
only you can give.
The kind of love that
gives me reason to live.
The kind of help that
shows there is a God
in his heaven smiling
down on me and you.

It is so much to ask.
It is so much to need.
And I understand if you
want to cut out my
heart and laugh as
you watch me bleed.
I have wronged you out
of my own distrust.
I have besmirched you
with my ego made of dust.

Let's face it ...
you're too good to
ever be with me.
And after the hurt I
have caused you,
why would you
ever want to be?

Maybe it's too late
to get back to what
we had before.
Maybe in your heart
you have already
shut the door.

But let's face it ...
without you I have
only half a life,
without you I lose
the will and strength
to fight
life's greater jihad.

Let's just face it ...
without you
there is not
much me
left to even help.

© Francisco G. Rodriquez, 2012